Glastonbury 2002: Culture Clash! Lost Vagueness Vs Backstage Hospitality

Many people will spend their entire festival ensconed in one of these places, and will regard themselves as 'seperate' to the 'normal' punters. Decadence, hedonism and narcissism are the keywords in both. Let's take a closer look...

In the Pink Corner...

'The Backstage Hospitality Area'

Were you the short kid at school, ignored by your parents and ridiculed by your classmates, because they got all the girls? Are you so disillusioned with the outside world that you must creep through life in a big, cosy bubble, with a wristband on that tells the other people that you are actally special? Is your name Keith Allen? If you can answer yes to all three, then this is definitely the place for you. If only the first two apply, then there's hope for you yet, my friend.

So what do we get for our sins?

The Bar - Where you can buy a pint of pissy Carlsberg for three quid, and rub shoulders with rock legends like The Cooper Temple Clause and A List celebrities such as Michelle Collins and Vernon Kaye, bless his cotton socks. The piece de resistance is the big telly showing Wimbledon Tennis. Hurrah.

Lulu's Cafe - Bread-burgers and chips are a steal at a fiver!

The Backstage Camping - made popular by Jarvis Cocker in 1995, the camping malarkey involves  getting your roadies to erect a tent (if you're hardcore, like Jarvis, you can put the pegs in yourself, but make sure there's a photographer about to capture the moment). The catch is that you have to sleep in the thing, so make sure your Tour Bus is close at hand, in case you need the loo in the middle of the night. Or a hot shower, or your stylist, or a go on the Playstation, or a DVD movie...

The Cabaret - provided by Keith Allan, Joe Strummer and assorted survivors of Alabama 3. The entertainment typically involves Keith Allan attracting lots of attention, by pretending to put on some karaoke, whilst swearing galliantly, doing some comedy walking, pulling funny faces, smashing up the karaoke equipment (to the horror of the people who own it), pulling down his pants a few times before announcing that he's "F**cking bored" and leaving. Mr. Strummer and the Alabamas provide background ambience by sitting around their camp fire, getting very drunk, and wearing sombreros. Now and again, someone will launch a firework into the tent of someone they don't know. Keith Allan will fall of his chair laughing, and the whole thing starts again. It's just so 'mad'.

And in the Kitch, Over-the-Top, Mind-Boggling, Fantasy Land Corner... Lost Vagueness!