15 Ways to Glastonbury... without a ticket??!

United Kingdom | by John Bownas | 13 June 2002

When the tickets sell out before you had the chance to get yours, you could just resign to watch Glasto on the telly (or enjoy Virtual Festivals' coverage) at home. Or you could employ a bit of imagination, flair and possibly some supernatural techniques to get yourself inside that sacred superfence...

1. Register yourself as an International environmentally campaigning charity - possibly something to do with cow welfare. Offer the services of your members to help feed the Fresians during the weekend.

Pros: VAT exemption
Cons: Too late for 2002, but contact the Charity Commission now in time for 2003...

2. EavisMask.com can provide you with lifelike latex bald-head-and-beard options that will fool most security staff, particularly when complimented with the optional cow and Landrover accessory pack.

Pros: Lightweight and foldaway (without accessory pack)
Cons: As a potentially popular option you will have to watch out for likeminded scammers in front of you in the queue.

3. Don't leave the previous year. Worthy Farm offers lots of hidden glades where an enterprising survivalist could live quite happily on pure springwater and cowmeat.

Pros: Great suntan, avoids all that hassle with commuting to work.
Cons: Requires a very understanding boss/social security office and as with (1) it's now a bit late for 2002. And then there are the bulls that we hear are kept on stand-by to 'encourage' stragglers to move on...

4. Tunnels. We understand that the Channel Tunnel equipment is still available on an hourly rental basis, and we calculate that once you have factored in transport of the plant from Kent to Somerset and back (about four days) then the 49 hours you'lll need for this option should come in at about £490,000.

Pros: None.
Costs: £490,000.

5. Form a band and get booked to play& this pretty much guarantees that you won't get turned away at the gate unless your rise to stardom has been accompanied by so much bad press that the authorities decide that the event would be better off without you.

Pros: Fame, fortune and you get to meet Jo Absalone who will no doubt interview you for the Big Breakfast.
Cons: The toilets are still hopeless.